INCIDENTS IN MY TEACHING CAREER

1. “The Christmas Islands”

2.  
3. One of the subjects I loved to teach grade 11’s was Geography 20, because
4. it was a mixture of physical and economic Geography. I loved running
5. around the world in my mind, from country to country, explaining some of
6. the differences and what made the people in different parts of the world
7. tick in their own way, and in their own environment.
8.  
9. I feel that I held the interest of most students in this, because they were
10. full of questions. I remember one time a sneaky fellow put a picture from
11. the centrefold of Playboy Magazine in the world map, and then deliberately
12. asked me where a country was. I remember pulling the map down, seeing
13. the picture, rolling up the map again, and casually remarking: “Nice
14. landscape!” It completely whacked the boy out of his mind. He said no
15. more that day.
16.  
17. I tell you, you have to be one jump ahead of the students, when you are
18. teaching high school, or as the philosopher says: “If it’s too hot in the
19. kitchen, get out!” You had better have a sense of humour too!!
20.  
21. The story I want to relate is one that happened when I was teaching a
22. particularly clever Grade 11 class. I had bamboozled most of them by
23. having ready answers, and if I didn’t have them at once, I made them up. I
24. seldom used the idea, “I will look it up for you.” That didn’t seem to work
25. with this group. They wanted to know now, and I recall many teachers
26. that fell by the wayside with this class, by just repeating the sentence,
27. “I’ll look it up for you!”
28.  
29. This day, two or three of the boys, and one very smart girl had put their
30. heads together, as students usually did, before school started. The girl
31. said: “Mr. Laird knows everything about Geography. There has got to be
32. something he can be fooled on. I know – let’s make up the name of an
33. island that doesn’t really exist – and ask him to show it to us on the map.”
34. “Great idea,” said one of the older lads – “We’ve just got to fool him once!!”
35. I’ll feel mighty satisfied.
36.  
37. Well, it was approaching the Yuletide season, and without doing any
38. research at all, one of the smarter boys said, “Let’s ask him where the
39. Christmas Island is!” “Good idea,” was the reply. The girl was picked at
40. once to do the deed, while the others were ready to give me the
41. razzberries when I failed in my mission. The group thought of Christmas
42. Island because it corresponded to the season at hand. As I said, they
43. failed to research their subject.
44.  
45. Geography 20 came round early that afternoon, and as usual, we began our
46. world tour with interesting facts and conclusions about our own country.
47. Then came the time of the period when we branched out to learn of other
48. countries. The moment was at hand.
49.  
50. From the back of the room came the voice of the class genius. “Mr. Laird,
51. sir, tell us – since the season is close at hand – where is CHRISTMAS
52. ISLAND?”
53.  
54. A long protracted pause. You could hear the actual breathing in the room –
55. so still was it. Eager eyes scanned the map of the world, and lips curved
56. in subtle smiles as much as to say: “BET YOU CAN’T FIND IT – CAUSE
57. THERE IS NO CHRISTMAS ISLAND.”
58.  
59. I turned slowly to the group of boys and the girl who had asked the
60. question. Then deliberately I walked over to the map of the world, and
61. pointed deliberately to the area in the eastern part of the Indian Ocean –
62. ten degrees South and 125 degrees East. “See for yourself,” I said –
63. “CHRISTMAS ISLAND.” I emphasized the word just enough to get it across.
64. “Come and look,” I said, “if you don’t believe me.” (I had seen the look of
65. disbelief written all over their faces).
66.  
67. While they sat and deliberated, as to whom to send to the front of the
68. room, I gave them a short history lesson. “The Christmas Island,” I said,
69. “is only 60 sq. miles. It was discovered by the Dutch, then taken over by
70. Great Britain, and finally annexed to Singapore. Economically it has great
71. deposits of phosphorous and lime. Any more questions, anybody?”
72.  
73. Another profound silence while the girl genius made her way to the front
74. and confirmed to the others, it was INDEED the CHRISTMAS ISLAND.
75.  
76. The buzzer went just in time to save their red faces, and they all quickly
77. closed their books and left. I turned away and looked out the window to
78. hide my inward glee. When I told the principal what had happened in
79. Geography Class, and how I had foiled the scam, he shrugged his shoulders,
80. looked at me and sighed: “I’ve always found, in my experience, that it
81. takes a thief to catch a thief!”
82.  
83. No-one doubted my word in geography after that incident, and I hope I had
84. won the respect of the entire class.

The Christmas Islands
By Washburn Laird

159-161